your life isn’t over the moment you think it is,when the what if’s fill your mind and you wonder,did i do all i could. he got everything (and by everything, i mean nothing),and you got nothing (and by nothing, i mean everything).he got his name in lights, and you get anonymous. but anonymity has its […]
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. JK Rowling I didn’t realize the power of prayer until I was sobbing at the altar, through the prayer, through the closing song, through the benediction. I didn’t realize the power of prayer until I had an army of people surrounding me, and […]
a letter to my mental health I don’t really spiral as much as I go down a rabbit hole and can’t find my way back, I explained to the psychiatrist who saw me the morning after I went to the ER. I go down a rabbit hole, and I can’t find my way back, and […]
“Do you have any tattoos?” was not a question I expected to be asked in the Psych ER. But there I was–curled up on what Plato would refer to as a couch that’s not ideal, with one of my friends next to me–so unprepared for the question that followed: “Do you have a boyfriend? Because […]
They take your phone away, lock it up with the rest of your belongings. You can’t have them in the Psych ward. But they do have ginger ale and water; graham crackers and ice cream; visiting hours and showers. They also have a tv. But there’s only so many times you can watch Chopped before […]
finding the will to live amidst the trauma The first thing I learned in therapy was to validate myself–validate the past versions of me that were hurt, validate the parts of myself that are hurting now; another thing I learned while completing the ‘Emotional Regulation’ section of DBT theory, designed to help manage the effects […]
The coolness of the bathroom floor, a stark contrast to the sweaty guys surrounding me. We had been like this for fifteen minutes: me, lying on the ground, clothes askew; them, forcing their way into me, on me, around me. 10 hands tracing my body, forcing their way inside. I remember the way it felt: […]
Six months ago, I never thought I’d find myself here–in a room with white colored walls and a stippled ceiling, a place to call my own. “There’s no place like home.” Dorothy once said, as she tapped her ruby slippers Together one by one. “Home is where the heart is,” They all say as if […]
“But in the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.” ― Albert Camus I always thought I’d end up killing myself one day; that’s the way I’d go out–swallowing a bottle of pills, driving into a tree, or jumping out a window. So many ways to die; not enough time to execute them […]
I forgave myself today, kneeling at the altar. You can’t move forward if you’re angry at the past– angry at yourself for things that are not your fault, for relapses you could’ve controlled if you had just. . . just . . . re a c h e d out, for relationships you purposefully sabotaged […]
