Dear friends, you made it. And I wish I had words of advice for you, but I don’t. Not really; there’s a bunch of things I’m still trying to figure out for myself, about myself, about life and adulthood. But this I know: you made it. You made it, with friends by your side, family […]
a very short story She didn’t believe in ghosts. At least not in the say ‘boo’, spirit without a body, walk through walls type way. She believed in flashbacks and nostalgia, that trauma could be passed down through generations. She saw her father’s father’s father every time her parents argued. Thuds and echoes of anger […]
The coolness of the bathroom floor, a stark contrast to the sweaty guys surrounding me. We had been like this for fifteen minutes: me, lying on the ground, clothes askew; them, forcing their way into me, on me, around me. 10 hands tracing my body, forcing their way inside. I remember the way it felt: […]
Six months ago, I never thought I’d find myself here–in a room with white colored walls and a stippled ceiling, a place to call my own. “There’s no place like home.” Dorothy once said, as she tapped her ruby slippers Together one by one. “Home is where the heart is,” They all say as if […]
“But in the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.” ― Albert Camus I always thought I’d end up killing myself one day; that’s the way I’d go out–swallowing a bottle of pills, driving into a tree, or jumping out a window. So many ways to die; not enough time to execute them […]
Prologue: On the bulletin board next to my desk is a handwritten checklist from my therapist: is it truthful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If no, let it go. . . . Act 1: Hold an ice cube in your hand, squeeze it until all you can focus on is the pain shooting up […]
I forgave myself today, kneeling at the altar. You can’t move forward if you’re angry at the past– angry at yourself for things that are not your fault, for relapses you could’ve controlled if you had just. . . just . . . re a c h e d out, for relationships you purposefully sabotaged […]
I found you tonight, tucked away amongst books I haven’t read in years but love too much to throw away. I’m getting ready to move, packing books in suitcases and clothes in boxes because I can’t stay here forever. I can’t stay here forever: trapped in the past–but I can’t move forward until I move […]
Her name is Anne. I sit kiddy-corner from her in her trailer home’s kitchen dining area. Beneath her purple glasses and her aquamarine knit sweater, her cloudy eyes shine. She has the classic, comforting old lady smell: mothballs and cats. There are books and cats everywhere–cat memorabilia and other mementos, that is. Her hands tell […]
I’m not going to stop you from crying. Tears are good, healthy, a sign of healing, my therapist told me yesterday, as I sobbed across from him, unpacking the last sixteen years of my life. This is the missing piece, he continued, tears in his eyes, I’ve been trying to figure out why you have such a hard time […]
