To the Graduates on the Eve of Graduation

Photo by Baim Hanif on Unsplash Dear friends, you made it. And I wish I had words of advice for you, but I don't. Not really; there's a bunch of things I'm still trying to figure out for myself, about myself, about life and adulthood. But this I know: you made it. You made it, with friends by your side, family cheering you on, and laughter in your heart. With tears in your eyes,...

Minding the Gap

A millennial's perspective on church and authenticity Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash There's something really wrong with a church when the message sounds more like an advertisement for the church than about being drawn closer to God, when worship is the best part of the morning, and the message snaps you out of the presence of God. You've heard it many times before, seen the research many...

How to survive a panic attack in three acts

Prologue:  On the bulletin board next to my desk is a handwritten checklist from my therapist: is it truthful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If no, let it go. .  .  . Act 1:  Hold an ice cube in your hand, squeeze it until all you can focus on is the pain shooting up your arm. Nobody found me there, sitting in the workroom, rocking back and forth. I was paralyzed by some unidentifiable fear, a...

How trauma helped me find my words

The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar Growing up, I was always told to use my words, but every time I opened my mouth, I was afraid the earth was going to swallow me whole. I was afraid of people telling me no--no, they didn't want to play with me; no, they didn't want to be my friend. No became the worse word somebody...

How loving a dog with anxiety taught me to love myself

I have anxiety, but I don't go around licking things excessively. Unlike my dog, who constantly has her tongue out, as if her nervousness will follow the rules of entropy and move out into the room. I rescued a dog a few months ago. She has anxiety. She takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, she has to be really comfortable with you to let you touch her. Funnily enough, I'm the same...

New Beginnings Amidst the Search for Perfection

Prozac and faith--What do they have in common? They both keep me going. I was struggling to come up with the perfect first blog post for this new site, but then I realized that this is not what this site is about. It's not about perfection or having it all together; it's about the real, the raw, the messiness, and through it all, still searching for peace. I had a blog before; maybe we were a...