I found self love through a 15 pound weight gain

and other things I have to tell my therapist

i. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks.

ii. I can’t tell if my boundaries are getting more rigid or I’m just putting up walls. Again.

iii. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks because instead of talking about my feelings, I ate them. Which I guess is better than starving myself, but not by much.

iv. There’s a thin line between self-confidence and self-loathing.

v. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks because sometimes I feel too much, and I don’t know where to turn, and sitting with my feelings sometimes seems too scary.

vi. I walk the line between self-confidence and self-loathing every day.

vii. I dyed my hair red, and you noticed. You notice the little things people tend to ignore: the blank stare on my face during our sessions, the way I sit there and think before I speak.

viii. The blank stare on my face is because I’m in pain, and I don’t want people to know, which is backwards because I’m very vocal about how I feel most of the time.

ix. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks, and my identity seems to fit a little better.

x. I sit there and think before I speak because, unlike in writing, I can’t delete, undo, there are no take backs. I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.

xi. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks, and I’ve never been happier. Maybe it’s the hair.

xii. I started kickboxing.

xiii. I’m smiling again. Telling stories again.

xiv. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks and most people would say that’s terrible, but I just grin and say that’s life.

xv. But I started working out again. I forgot how good it feels after a good sweat.

xvi. I haven’t wanted to self-harm since I started working out (4 days and counting), which doesn’t seem like a lot, but both you and I know the truth.

xvii. I gained 15 pounds in three weeks. I don’t feel guilty anymore.

kldistaffen

I'm a music lover, reader, writer, lover of words, and hopeless romantic.I believe in magic.I wish my life were a Jane Austen novel.

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