This changes everything

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.JK Rowling I didn’t realize the power of prayer until I was sobbing at the altar, through the prayer, through the closing song, through the benediction. I didn’t realize the power of prayer until I had an army of people surrounding me, and for the first time in my life, I felt the Holy Spirit truly move. It was the Sunday...

Ripple Effect

a very short story She didn’t believe in ghosts. At least not in the say ‘boo’, spirit without a body, walk through walls type way. She believed in flashbacks and nostalgia, that trauma could be passed down through generations. She saw her father’s father’s father every time her parents argued. Thuds and echoes of anger ricocheting off the walls, penetrating the door as she lay on...

Tell me about the rabbits

a letter to my mental health Photo by Jackson Jorvan from Pexels I don't really spiral as much as I go down a rabbit hole and can't find my way back, I explained to the psychiatrist who saw me the morning after I went to the ER. I go down a rabbit hole, and I can't find my way back, and lately, there's too many rabbits and too many holes for me to even sleep soundly at night, and they're long...

Practical tips for living on your own for the first time

Don't check yourself into the psych ward if you still have dirty dishes in the sink. You'll come back 48 hours later with a crusty layer of dried chicken on your hand-me-down plate. But by then, it won't be your mess to deal with; your sister has volunteered to do the dishes.Do your dishes every night. Or, at the very least, rinse them off after use. Don't let more than two days worth sit in the...

How does one put themselves first anyway?

"Do you have any tattoos?" was not a question I expected to be asked in the Psych ER. But there I was--curled up on what Plato would refer to as a couch that's not ideal, with one of my friends next to me--so unprepared for the question that followed: "Do you have a boyfriend? Because I want to be yours." Apparently not having tattoos is not a prerequisite for love. I told him I'd think about it,...

The girl in the brown pajamas

They take your phone away, lock it up with the rest of your belongings. You can't have them in the Psych ward. But they do have ginger ale and water; graham crackers and ice cream; visiting hours and showers. They also have a tv. But there's only so many times you can watch Chopped before you go crazy. The boredom is enough to make anybody go crazy. "...suicidal" it read on my admission form,...

Pan-Roasted Creamed Chicken and Asparagus

I moved into a new apartment this week; this marks the first time I am living on my own, cooking for myself, taking care of myself. There's something exciting about trying new things, something exciting, yet terrifying. I am terrible at meal planning; granted, I've only done it one time so far, but I ended up going to the store and just picking up things that caught my eye. When it was time to...

living life palms up

finding the will to live amidst the trauma Photo by Victor Freitas from Pexels The first thing I learned in therapy was to validate myself--validate the past versions of me that were hurt, validate the parts of myself that are hurting now; another thing I learned while completing the 'Emotional Regulation' section of DBT theory, designed to help manage the effects of Borderline...