I’m not going to stop you from crying. Tears are good, healthy, a sign of healing, my therapist told me yesterday, as I sobbed across from him, unpacking the last sixteen years of my life. This is the missing piece, he continued, tears in his eyes, I’ve been trying to figure out why you have such a hard time opening up to people, and this is it.
Life has this way of moving forward, marching onward, whether you are ready for it or not. And we’re at that time again–the time when people seek to better themselves by resolving to do things, better things, more things.
I’m not one of those people. Maybe I should be. Don’t get me wrong, I strive to better myself: I go to therapy; I have built a group of people around me who support me and call me out on my crap; I’m trying my best to move forward, to live in the present for the future.
I have things I want to accomplish in my life, this year, five years from now. (Look, I finally have a five-year plan.) But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter how soon things get done. There’s no deadline on how fast you reach your life goals, only self-appointed ones.
My goals for this year?
- Read more.
- Write more.
- Cry more–feel more–don’t bottle everything up.
- Live in the moment, make the most of the time I’ve been given.
- Be thankful for those in my life and don’t question my importance. Let people care about me.
There’s so much to be thankful for: for working in a place with people that drop everything when I need a minute. That remind me that I don’t do life alone–we don’t do life alone. Good times. Bad times. Happy times. Sad times. Emotions are fleeting, but there’s something wonderful about the way people reach out to you with arms open to catch you when you fall. Tears fall.
And there’s something about the way the sun hits the ground that makes me glad I’m alive.